Wednesday, June 9, 2010

walk with me

I haven't blogged lately! Life has been crazy. We have been racking our brains trying to come up with what to do with our lives. I wish we just had some direction. I will let you know when we come up with something lol. Here is what's on my mind lately.

This time last year was the last time I saw my dad. Who knew that while Dave and I were driving away, his smile and wave would be my last image of him. He left in October.

After so many months have passed I still haven't accepted his death. Even writing this blog right now streams of tears are flowing down my face as I am reminded that it is real but my mind just wants to push it aside. It was so easy to pretend it didn't happen because I didn't see my dad to often while he lived in Kansas and I lived in Arkansas. But without fail every time we drive through Kansas City on our way to and from Iowa I loose it. All the thoughts start flooding my mind.

The thing that sucks the most is not hearing his voice anymore. All I have is a clip from when he was on HGTV years back and this last August some random videos of when he was in Europe. That is it.  Growing up we didn't have a video camera just film. At least I have a ton of pictures. My dad was a great photographer. I would give anything just to talk to him again, to hear his advice, to say good-bye.

The hardest thing was my wedding day. You always dream of having your dad walk you down the aisle. I pictured it so my times. I knew my dad would cry and of course that would make me cry.

The last time I saw my dad was Dave's first time, I am so glad that we stopped by on our way down from Iowa. My dad loved Dave and was so excited for me. I just wish he could have been there to walk with me.

Just some thoughts in my head. I am not a writer. Thanks for reading.

I miss you daddy!